Moving the Goalposts

The 3rd September, just a couple of weeks ago now but it seems like a lifetime. A million thoughts, a barrage of tests, the whole scale of emotions, a biopsy,tubes, blood tests, more worry and a CT scan, at every appointment they tell us they’ll have answers at the next.

But then they keep moving the goalposts, we’re still waiting and you’re so brave. Cancer is such a scary word but you don’t complain or grumble even though it’s clear you’re feeling dreadful, you don’t take it out on your loved ones, even though you feel cheated and frightened. All you do is worry you are being an inconvenience.

That really is the last thing you are. You’re kind and funny and even when you’re not much company there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than by your side, even if that is just to sit and watch you sleep.

It’s a rollercoaster, up and down feelings, one day we wake up feeling positive, throwing positive chit chat back and fore, talking two years down the line, getting married, extending our family, holidays, seeing the children growing up. The next day the black cloud is back and seeing just to the end of the week seems impossible.

We’re told this is a normal way to feel.