D Day

After all the waiting we should be getting some results. Tomorrow is D Day, assuming they don't move the goalposts again.

Part of me, and you I'm sure would rather not know, the outcome is scary and no matter how much I try and prepare my mind for what may be the worst possible news I just cannot envisage losing you.

You have to be ok, I'm not sure I can face my life without you. I know you're getting worse, your breathing is affected, you can't eat and everything is a huge effort. I keep telling myself all that might be worry, anxiety maybe and not the cancer, it's not working.

You've found a lump on your wrist and your stability and dexterity has been affected, since a cough two weeks ago you are suddenly very ill. I'm scared and for the first time you've admitted you're scared too. You cried, I cried, it's ok to cry, even if you're my big strong man.

They say this is a normal way to feel.