Chemotherapy

And so the hell on earth that is chemotherapy begins. No matter how much people who have had experience tried to prepare us for how awful it was going to be, nothing could have prepared us for this. How can something that is designed to make you better, make you so very, very ill.

Friday was chemo day and you were superb, I thought you were one of the lucky ones. By Saturday night you were feeling a little ill, Sunday you felt fatigued all day and by Monday you couldn't get out of bed.

For all we had prepared for how ill you would feel, to see you with a mouthful of ulcers, unable to eat, with no energy for anything is horrendous. It certainly makes you ponder on life, quality or quantity? We already know it isn't a cure and what's the use of having longer to spend it like this.

What I wasn't prepared for was how emotionally fraught you would feel, I guess it's easy to be philisophical about dying when you feel so alive, when you're feeling half dead it's a little more difficult. It's so hard to keep you positive and yesterday you sobbed, I've never seen you like that but can totally understand how you feel. I sobbed too, but I waited until I had gone out and sobbed in the car in a supermarket carpark.

All of these feelings after just one session, Friday it starts again.

Is this a normal way to feel?