Another week, another set of problems. The trouble is this time I'm not sure I want the answers. Your mood hasn't improved very much but now that comes with other problems. You are very unsteady on your feet, it's almost as if you are drunk.
We mention it to the oncologist, or actually I do and get shouted at by you for doing so. You feel as though I have betrayed you by saying these things to the doctor, I hope you forgive me.
The oncologist is as concerned as me, I think he could see the change in you too, they want to send you for a brain scan as it could reveal the answers, answers I'm not sure I want to know.
You also can't drive, you're frustrated and I guess you feel like your last little bit of independence has gone from you.
So now it's more waiting, waiting for the scan, waiting for results. I'm not sure it will mean if the cancer has spread to your brain, I was too afraid to ask.
Is this a normal way to feel?
I've forgotten what normal is, I wonder what we talked about before this? I wonder what life was before this, I have forgotten.
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