Limitations

This week has been a lesson on limitations and I have reached mine. Let me explain.

I love the very essence of you and everything you stand for, you're like a cooling breeze through a barmy hot day. No matter what happens in life, you stay calm, never a raised voice, never a rant, nothing, just you, breezing through it all.

This is the essence of you and who you are, the calming influence. It's that very bit of you that I fell in love with.

I've had to remind myself of this fact all week because that bit of you I love has gone, and I just hope it's not gone forever. It might even be fair to say you appear to have had a complete personality transplant and it's terrifying. I've never known you get cross but this week everything has made you mad, especially me it seems. I'm walking on eggshells.

You've gone out this evening with friends to watch a rugby game and I'm so glad to have some peace, It seems I do have limitations, even though I think I can deal with everything, actually it's more like I can deal with everything as long as you are you.

Right now you're not and I could scream and shout at you but I try not to.

Is this a normal way to feel?

Tomorrow

When you're a child, all that matters is tomorrow. Tomorrow I start school, tomorrow it's the school play, tomorrow it's Christmas, tomorrow I'm going to a party, tomorrow I go up to big school, tomorrow I'm going to see a band, tomorrow I'm going to the pictures with my boyfriend, tomorrow it's my birthday. That's the stages the children are in.

Now we find ourselves living in the same way. Let's have a break before we go for the results. Our friends made some dreams come true before the chemo started, let's have a couple of days away between chemo sessions, let's have a weekend with friends.

We are like children again, living for the next thing and not looking beyond. Is that a bad thing? probably not and we'll stick with it for now.

Acting like a child, not a bad thing surely.

Is this a normal way to feel?